Poison

Hey! YES, I am alive! I don't feel so alive, but I guess it's better than nothing, right? Right...? 

First off, the past few weeks have been ridiculously busy and every time I think I'm getting ahead, life jabs me in the gut a little to let me know I am, in fact, not. On top of that, my sweet husband is out of the country on business (and had already been on a business trip 3days before that ☹ ) so I've basically been without him for a week and a half now and I still have a lot longer to go. He doesn't come back until October 7th! That's about 18 days without him!!! We haven't been apart longer than a week since we've been married ☹ It's rough. I know there are people who are separated MUCH longer than that on a regular basis, but I'm not used to it. Kudos to them, but no thank you.

To top it off, things have been crazy. This morning I overslept because I haven't been getting much sleep lately and I went to bed at 3am last night because of some stressful homework. So I slept through my alarm and didn't take my medicine this morning. Praying I don't have seizures today. I've been having major twitching/electrical pulse-type issues for the past couple of days, so I'm hoping it doesn't get worse. Right now, it kind of feels like my nerves are really tight rubber bands and someone keeps "strumming" or like "plucking" them. Visualize it like when you'd use rubber bands to make an instrument when you were a kid...or now, if you're into rubber band instruments. It's a really strange and uncomfortable feeling.  

ANYWAY, the point of this post is to talk about something that I feel is really important. I've actually written this entire blog up before, but for some reason it didn't save and the entire thing got deleted!!! So that's one of the reasons it has taken me so long to write a new post! I was so dejected I couldn't bring myself to type it up again, haha. I wanted to specifically talk about WebMD and other websites like it, or the act of "Googling your symptoms". WE HAVE ALL DONE IT! Come on! Raise your hand! I recently had someone contact me about their own medical problems and this was one of the things in our conversation that really stuck out to me the most. I think we have so much technology at our fingertips these days and it can be so dangerous, especially if something is going on with your body. You get a cough? You assume you have lung cancer. You have a muscle ache? You must have MS. The list goes on and on. I'm not saying they can't be great resources, but 9 times out of 10, that is not what we are using them for. Now, I've totally been there. Don't get me wrong in this. This is not from the perspective of an outsider looking in. I was in your shoes, my friend.

We're so good at worrying ourselves to death

My first piece of advice if something is medically wrong with you is to stop researching. It's not bad to look a few things up for reference, especially once you have been diagnosed, but it is so dangerous to self-diagnose via the internet. The average person does not have a medical degree and is not qualified to treat themselves...and if they were, they probably would not be on WebMD in the first place. The internet can plant a seed of fear into your heart and it can make you worry yourself to death. It can make you fully believe you have terminal cancer or a tumor, or whatever else you can conjure up. I have personally seen it time and time again. I'm totally speaking from experience here, so don't think I'm just coming down on you. I've been there. I've spent hours and hours on websites like WebMD, just borrowing trouble, trying to fix myself. There has to be a certain point when you decide that you are killing yourself looking at things that will not treat you. Looking at WebMD will not treat whatever is happening to you, and a lot of times if you walk into a doctor's office saying "yeah, I think I may have a neuroblastoma and a spinal subluxation" they're probably not going to take you seriously AT ALL because they're going to know that you've just been googling a bunch of stuff. You have lost all of your ground from the start. Even if they don't realize they're doing it, I can ALWAYS see a change in a doctor's face if I bring up any type of research or anything and I can see them bracing themselves like "ohh no, now she's about to play doctor." Do you know that commercial where the doctor is filling in as the radio host and it says, "you wouldn't want your doctor doing your job, so you shouldn't do your doctor's job..." YES. That is what EVERY doctor thinks. I promise. Also, doctors often have BIG egos and they want to figure it out themselves, so one of the best things you can do is just explain what's happening and pray that God will guide them to the correct answer. If they're a good doctor, they will run every test possible and they WILL figure it out. If your doctor is so under-qualified that you need to Google things yourself, then you need a new doctor. Please refer to my blog about finding a good doctor. 
I view WebMD as poison. It's super dangerous if you have something going on. Personally, I only use it when I'm researching medications I've been prescribed. Even then, it MUST be taken with a grain of salt. Websites like WebMD are required to put every little thing on the website so they won't be sued. It's like when there's some kind of side-effect on a medicine that is SUPER unlikely, but they have to put it so you won't sue them, or a crazy warning label on an appliance that you know is only there because someone sued them for it. They HAVE to put everything. It doesn't mean you have everything. 

Also, do you know how powerful your mind is? There is a reason placebo studies exist. When you were a kid, did you ever wish you could stay home from school with a stomach ache so badly that you actually started feeling bad? Or are there things that make you feel sick when you think about them? When Randy drives on the road that he used to drive on to get to his Ph.D classes he feels physically ill. Even though he doesn't have those classes anymore, those few years of working full time and then going to doctoral classes and sitting in heavy traffic burned in his mind and it makes him feel awful. Your mind is powerful. I'm not saying you'll grow a tumor if you convince yourself you have one, but I believe there's a connection between positivity and a better, fuller life. That doesn't mean that I think cancer can be cured with puppies and rainbows, but I think if you are constantly dwelling on negativity, you probably won't get well as fast as someone who is joyful and happy all the time. Just my personal opinion. I believe there are studies on similar topics that support that information, but that's just what I believe whether the studies say it or not.

When my mom had cancer a few years ago, all the statistics on websites like WebMD told her she had a pretty small chance of surviving. God knew better, though. She eventually had to put all of that out of her mind and stop looking them up because she was just putting poison in her mind that would have damaged her spirit. She is almost 2 years cancer-free now! I think God has the power to heal regardless, but I'm not sure what would have happened if she had held on to that negativity. I can still remember walking in on her looking at the computer every now and then with torment in her eyes. Those websites are dangerous. 

She is healed, though! God is good!

I think websites like WebMD are much better for after you have a diagnosis or for researching medication, but even then they can be so dangerous to your mind.

I KNOW it's hard. I KNOW first hand that you CRAVE a diagnosis. I know that better than anyone, but it will make you sick just seeing all the negativity.

Please do not get me wrong in any of this. If there is something wrong with you, PLEASE seek medical attention!!! PLEASE fight for an answer to what is wrong with you! You will probably have to endure a lot, and it will be stressful. It won't be as easy as clicking a mouse and figuring out the answers to life, but that is life. No one ever said it was easy! If they told you that, they lied, and you need to go extinguish their burning pants. 

I have this necklace that I love to wear with a compass pendant. On the back it says, "There are no shortcuts to any place worth going." If finding an answer is worth it to you, it will probably be hard. You will be poked and prodded. You will have so much radiation (CT's, MRI's, MRA's, etc.) you'll probably glow in the dark, but if they can figure it out and get you the medication/treatment you need. It is so worth it.