A Delivering Journey

Not only do we suck at Christmas cards, but we basically suck at getting any kind of cards, blogs, or anything else out lately. In fact, I think every birthday card we've sent out in the last year has been at least a week late... sigh. Things have just been so crazy! Randy practically begged me the other day for a 1-2 week break from doctor appointments. Unfortunately, there is no end!  So here's what has been going on in our world:  They're still pretty iffy about what's going on with me, and there haven't really been any updates, which is a major reason why there haven't been any blog posts. I had my evaluation with the psychologist that I mentioned in my last blog , but I didn't have the appointment with the physical therapist because she got a stomach bug the day of the appointment :( Anyway, I didn't realize it, but the psychologist appointment was more valuable than I thought. First of all, I really liked the psychologist I

*Disclaimer: this post is kind of long...I guess that's what happens when you don't write a post in forever! But there's a TON of stuff to share!* I wrote a post the other day, but for some reason I kept forgetting to post a link to it so people could actually read it...what a notion, right? So it's called "Learning to be the Passenger" and you can find a link to it   ===>>> HERE!!! <<<===  so take a second to go read that because it talks about our mini vacation-ish-thingy and my last appointment with Dr. P where I was told my driving privileges are still suspended :( BUT I won't spoil too much of the surprise! SO go read it! However, it's slightly outdated, so that's where this blog post comes in... OH and there are a ton of AWESOME pictures!  Including this little gem:  SEE!  I told you it was worth a gander!  Anyway, crazy things have been happening around here. I promise I haven't dropped off the face of the

So crazy things have been going on lately. I'm super sleepy, and I really need to go to bed because my seizures get worse when I get less sleep, but I'll deal with that later, I guess. I have a lot on my mind. Where to begin? So we had our "vacation." Although it was kind of like the most intense weekend EVER. Well, sort of. It was really nice, but I definitely didn't get to relax like I wanted to. I'm sure Randy felt the same. We had a GORGEOUS cabin, though...and the trees were beautiful as well!!! It was amazing! AND I had s'mores! For some reason I have been craving them like NONE OTHER lately. It was fairly intense. So yummy! I felt bad for Randy, though. He had to drive the whole way :( I love to drive, too. Sad day for Erin.  Anyway, I guess I'll stop talking and share pictures. I have a few of them. Our gorgeous cabin! Good job, Randy! panorama from my phone! Here's us at the lake from above? It was pretty!

I wanted to dedicate this post specifically to how the Lord has been speaking to me lately. It has been very intentional, and very powerful. It has changed something major (for me, anyway) and has been super emotional for me. I've always struggled with the feeling that I can't hear the Lord. I don't know why, but I've always had this envy of others who talk about hearing Him so clearly. My heart yearns to hear His voice. I always think, "Am I not listening? Am I doing something wrong?" As I think these thoughts, my mind rushes to moments where He has spoken to me, just in different ways. Maybe He speaks to me in a different way. There are 2 times in my life where God has spoken in the most amazing way I can possibly imagine, where it is absolutely, without a doubt, Him. I mean, I know He has spoken other times, too, but there are 2 times that blow me away beyond belief. Both of them have been life-changing decisions where I didn't know w

I saw Dr. P today and it was so/so. The whole appointment probably lasted a grand total of 20-30 minutes... I've been in a lot of pain lately, so I told him about that. I'm not sure if it means my medicine isn't working, or what's going on, but I thought it was important. Also, I let Dr. P know that Randy let me know that I have been talking in my sleep lately. That's not normally a big deal, but he said I have been saying letters like "a, e, b, z, r, f, d, etc." The REALLY strange part is the fact that I have repeated the same letters on other nights in my sleep. A few similar events have happened, too, but they're hard to explain...weird. I have also had dreams every night for the past 4 nights where I have had grand mal-ish seizures. Weird. When I told Dr. P about this, he started to get really serious and his entire demeanor changed. -Side note: I had told him about making my appointment with my new neurologist (december 5!) and he had told me

I haven't been feeling well at all for the past few weeks and it is getting pretty old! Like I mentioned before, I had an appointment with Dr. P on Friday of this past week. It was a surprise visit because I called and left a message on their machine after having one of my weird episodes that have been happening lately(see last post) and it freaked me out. Well, apparently it freaked them out, too. Dr. P said I sounded scary on the machine. He said I sounded like a different person, like something was really wrong with me. He also said I just sounded like something bad was happening, so that's why he wanted to see me immediately. Weird, right? Well, after that, Randy confessed that he, too, had noticed that I change when these "things" happen to me. He said lately I have, on occasion, turned into a different person that he just didn't know at all. He said I will act normal, then suddenly it's like a different person is sitting in front of him - someone with

Strange things have been happening lately. Stranger than normal, that is. I honestly don't even know what to think about what has been happening to me lately. The more I think about it, the more I feel like it just can't be real. I know it is real, though. That's the part that scares me most. I don't even know where to begin. I guess I'll start with a week or so ago, maybe two. Until today, I didn't think this was important, but now I'm realizing it wasn't normal at all. The other day, I decided to take the elevator from the third floor to the first floor at school (I know...I should have taken the stairs...but sometimes I just feel like being alone in the elevator - that, and not walking) Anyway, I got in the elevator, and I don't really remember what happened, but I remember being extremely confused and feeling like everything kind of spun around. It only lasted a second and it was almost like I blacked out. I didn't even realize it. It was

I'm forgetting everything these days. It was bad before my diagnosis because I was in this really bad fog all the time that completely drained me of all of my energy, memory, and just about everything else. Since I've been on my medication, the fog has been lifted and I actually feel like living life again, which is awesome! I mean, it constantly felt like I had this vice around my brain and it was like any thought or emotion was a HUGE task. It was awful, so I'm really glad that's gone, but now I have a terribly memory and my concentration is at an all-time low. Imagine waking up in the middle of your life and you suddenly have A.D.D! It's a tradeoff...I think I'm winning? It sure is rough, though. It kind of feels like a copout when I feel bad. Lately it has been even worse, so that has been difficult. I have felt drained, but I still feel emotions, so that's an improvement from before even if I am feeling tired! Anyway, it struck again today. I forgo

Random title? Welcome to my life. Sorry for the lack of blogging lately. There are a few reasons for that.  1. I really haven't had a lot to say and I didn't want to subject you to anything that would waste your time more than I already do :) I think that's partially because nothing has really happened and partially because my medicine (mostly Topamax) has kind of slowed down my brain to the point that not much really comes out other than what is asked of me...and even that is a HUGE task. Creativity is not exactly my strong suit these days. Which is rough because I love to create things, and I'm even in an art class and my art professor keeps getting mad at me because I spend a TON of time planning my paintings these days. If you know me at all, you know I'm not so much a planner as I am a do it now-er, and fix it later-er. However, canvases are kind of expensive, so I'd rather not ruin too many. I'm getting off topic...I'll talk more about pain

Hey! YES, I am alive! I don't feel so alive, but I guess it's better than nothing, right? Right...?  First off, the past few weeks have been ridiculously busy and every time I think I'm getting ahead, life jabs me in the gut a little to let me know I am, in fact, not. On top of that, my sweet husband is out of the country on business (and had already been on a business trip 3days before that ☹ ) so I've basically been without him for a week and a half now and I still have a lot longer to go. He doesn't come back until October 7th! That's about 18 days without him!!! We haven't been apart longer than a week since we've been married ☹ It's rough. I know there are people who are separated MUCH longer than that on a regular basis, but I'm not used to it. Kudos to them, but no thank you. To top it off, things have been crazy. This morning I overslept because I haven't been getting much sleep lately and I went to bed at 3am last night beca