How He Speaks
I wanted to dedicate this post specifically to how the Lord has been
speaking to me lately. It has been very intentional, and very powerful.
It has changed something major (for me, anyway) and has been super
emotional for me.
I've always struggled with the feeling that I can't hear the Lord. I don't know why, but I've always had this envy of others who talk about hearing Him so clearly. My heart yearns to hear His voice. I always think, "Am I not listening? Am I doing something wrong?" As I think these thoughts, my mind rushes to moments where He has spoken to me, just in different ways. Maybe He speaks to me in a different way.
There are 2 times in my life where God has spoken in the most amazing way I can possibly imagine, where it is absolutely, without a doubt, Him. I mean, I know He has spoken other times, too, but there are 2 times that blow me away beyond belief. Both of them have been life-changing decisions where I didn't know what to do, and in both situations, He made it abundantly clear what He wanted.
The First:
Before Randy and I got together, I had my suspicions that he liked me. We always used to talk to one another for hours, and he wasn't exactly the talkative type. I would go back to my friend, Brandi, and talk to her about my suspicions, but she always talked me down and told me I was reading into things. Finally, I knew I was right. Well, being asked on a date was a dead giveaway, but still...I was right! BUT WE COULDN'T DATE!! That's what I told myself, anyway. I came up with several reasons why it just wouldn't work out from our age difference (almost 15 years!), to our friends in common, to whether or not my parents would approve. It wasn't that I didn't want to be with him, I was just so scared because we got along so well, but our age was a HUGE factor for me.
One by one, my fears would be silenced. Randy would
either say something that would completely cancel the reason I had come
up with, or someone would say something to me that would make it not
matter anymore, or something major would happen. It was SO strange. This
went on for about 2 weeks. I would throw another reason at God saying
why I thought we couldn't be together, and the next day something would
happen that would make that SPECIFIC reason go away. I mean, it was
crazy. Finally, I ran out of excuses. That, and I knew God wasn't going
to leave me alone. :) Annnd, I really liked him :)
The rest, as they say, is history...
The Second:
I have been completely panicked about taking 27 hours next semester. Panicked. Like, anxiety attack every night, rip my hair out: PANIC!!! I'm not healthy as it is, and I'm going to add that much stress to myself? Crazy. I can barely handle the 12 hours I'm already in! I should have thought of that before! Hahah. Well, God thought of everything for me.
As time went on, I began to have doubts, but I kept talking myself out of backing down from the challenge. I would tell myself things like, "I just need to graduate!" or "It won't be that bad because I have an art class in the 18 hours..." The truth is, I was breaking down. It was eating me alive, and I didn't know how I was going to handle it. Randy doesn't know this (although, I guess he does now...) but I was so worried about it that I would go to bed after him some nights and just cry (I mean bawl my eyes out - ugly cry) and pray. It was awful. I talked to him, too, but I really didn't want to let him down by not graduating in May. I KNOW I'm not actually letting him down, but that's kind of how it feels. Also, I know me being in school does add some stress to our relationship just because it adds stress to my life. I didn't want to keep doing that to him.
The Lord was working, though, and He put several people in my path that changed my heart. 3 specific voices meant the most to me - excluding Randy's...because his voice is always important.
I
have some great in-laws. It's true. Be jealous. If Randy and I are going
to be gone all day, his parents will come by and pick up our pup and
let her hang out at their house for the day and they'll play with her so
she won't be bored and vice versa. They love their grand-dog and she
loves them! Anyway, I was talking to them about my classes for next
semester and my father-in-law spoke up about his feeling and told me he
didn't feel that it was in my best interest for me to take so many
hours. He said he thought I was pushing it too far and that I was going
to overwhelm myself, but I assured him, as I had many others, that he
was mistaken. He said "okay," but I knew there was no way he was
actually okay with it. I could see the worry in his eyes. I tried
to show him a look of certainty back with mine, but I'm not sure if it
came across.
When Randy and I got home that night, I remember saying to him, "your dad seemed really worried." I knew in my heart that he wouldn't have spoken up if he hadn't been truly upset. Randy said, "Well, he doesn't know how badly your family wants you to graduate..." This is not to say that my family was putting an immense amount of pressure on me or anything, but when Randy and I got married, my mom was really worried that I was going to quit school. And yes, they were hoping I would graduate soon, but I didn't feel like they were breathing down my neck. Just wanted to clear the air!
I just had to mention that he said that because of what happened next...
So the next morning, my advisor (at school) called me and got me kind of worried about something that I shouldn't have been worried about, but I was...
I couldn't get a hold of Randy, but I desperately needed
someone to talk to, so I called my mom. After she calmed me down, I
started talking to her about how stressed I was about my classes next
semester. She told me she really wanted me to reconsider taking so many
hours. She said, "you're already sick, why make things more stressful?"
Then she said the most powerful thing of all. She said, "I don't care if you graduate in May, or August, or December, or even next December! I just want you to be healthy!" She
had no idea of what had taken place the night before, or what Randy had
said, or that I had been worried about taking so many hours. She said
what she said completely unsolicited. I was shocked.
So then a few hours later, I talked to my brother. I haven't talked to him in almost a year and here we have almost a 30min conversation, if not longer. It was wonderful. Somehow, we got on the subject of my classes again. He told me about how he is taking 19 hours this semester (next semester I would be taking 18 during the "normal" semester), he is healthy, and they're KILLING him! Then, he said something I can't remember my brother ever saying to me. I don't say this as a negative thing when I say I can't remember him saying it to me before...I mean it as, my brother never says these words lightly: He told me I needed to pray about my decision. At that point, I knew I didn't need to pray about it anymore. I knew that was my answer. I told him I thought he was right, and he said, "I KNOW I'M RIGHT!" Typical... Hahahah. I really love my brother.
These are the only 2 times I can remember God speaking to me this way, so I feel like these are both major decisions. I know the decision to be with Randy is definitely the most important decision of my life, so I'm excited to see what will happen because of the decision not to take 27 hours in the spring of 2013. If nothing else, it might mean that I won't die. Seeing how I can't drive anymore, maybe the Lord was mentally preparing me for what was to come (this decision happened the Friday before I got my driving taken away on Wednesday). God works in mysterious ways, so I won't even pretend to imagine that I can guess what He has planned. I only know that He has only spoken like this to me twice...and I find that pretty cool...
I'll be looking out for when He does it again! I hope He does!!!
Soooo, moral of the story: I have come to my senses and I am only taking 12 hours next semester with 1 (maybe 2) mini terms...so it might be 15-18 hours. We shall see!
Sometimes the Lord speaks in ways you may not understand or recognize, but that doesn't mean He isn't speaking. Please don't get discouraged. I know that may be difficult. I struggle with it ALL the time!
God is SO good! ALL the time!
Thanks for reading!
I've always struggled with the feeling that I can't hear the Lord. I don't know why, but I've always had this envy of others who talk about hearing Him so clearly. My heart yearns to hear His voice. I always think, "Am I not listening? Am I doing something wrong?" As I think these thoughts, my mind rushes to moments where He has spoken to me, just in different ways. Maybe He speaks to me in a different way.
There are 2 times in my life where God has spoken in the most amazing way I can possibly imagine, where it is absolutely, without a doubt, Him. I mean, I know He has spoken other times, too, but there are 2 times that blow me away beyond belief. Both of them have been life-changing decisions where I didn't know what to do, and in both situations, He made it abundantly clear what He wanted.
The First:
Before Randy and I got together, I had my suspicions that he liked me. We always used to talk to one another for hours, and he wasn't exactly the talkative type. I would go back to my friend, Brandi, and talk to her about my suspicions, but she always talked me down and told me I was reading into things. Finally, I knew I was right. Well, being asked on a date was a dead giveaway, but still...I was right! BUT WE COULDN'T DATE!! That's what I told myself, anyway. I came up with several reasons why it just wouldn't work out from our age difference (almost 15 years!), to our friends in common, to whether or not my parents would approve. It wasn't that I didn't want to be with him, I was just so scared because we got along so well, but our age was a HUGE factor for me.
The rest, as they say, is history...
The Second:
I have been completely panicked about taking 27 hours next semester. Panicked. Like, anxiety attack every night, rip my hair out: PANIC!!! I'm not healthy as it is, and I'm going to add that much stress to myself? Crazy. I can barely handle the 12 hours I'm already in! I should have thought of that before! Hahah. Well, God thought of everything for me.
As time went on, I began to have doubts, but I kept talking myself out of backing down from the challenge. I would tell myself things like, "I just need to graduate!" or "It won't be that bad because I have an art class in the 18 hours..." The truth is, I was breaking down. It was eating me alive, and I didn't know how I was going to handle it. Randy doesn't know this (although, I guess he does now...) but I was so worried about it that I would go to bed after him some nights and just cry (I mean bawl my eyes out - ugly cry) and pray. It was awful. I talked to him, too, but I really didn't want to let him down by not graduating in May. I KNOW I'm not actually letting him down, but that's kind of how it feels. Also, I know me being in school does add some stress to our relationship just because it adds stress to my life. I didn't want to keep doing that to him.
The Lord was working, though, and He put several people in my path that changed my heart. 3 specific voices meant the most to me - excluding Randy's...because his voice is always important.
 |
| This is my beyond fantastic father-in-law, Jack! (holding baby Ben) |
When Randy and I got home that night, I remember saying to him, "your dad seemed really worried." I knew in my heart that he wouldn't have spoken up if he hadn't been truly upset. Randy said, "Well, he doesn't know how badly your family wants you to graduate..." This is not to say that my family was putting an immense amount of pressure on me or anything, but when Randy and I got married, my mom was really worried that I was going to quit school. And yes, they were hoping I would graduate soon, but I didn't feel like they were breathing down my neck. Just wanted to clear the air!
I just had to mention that he said that because of what happened next...
So the next morning, my advisor (at school) called me and got me kind of worried about something that I shouldn't have been worried about, but I was...
 |
| This is my mom and stepdad (Steve) I love them both! |
 |
| This is Brandon (my brother) and his AMAZING girlfriend Miriam, who has been adopted into our family! |
So then a few hours later, I talked to my brother. I haven't talked to him in almost a year and here we have almost a 30min conversation, if not longer. It was wonderful. Somehow, we got on the subject of my classes again. He told me about how he is taking 19 hours this semester (next semester I would be taking 18 during the "normal" semester), he is healthy, and they're KILLING him! Then, he said something I can't remember my brother ever saying to me. I don't say this as a negative thing when I say I can't remember him saying it to me before...I mean it as, my brother never says these words lightly: He told me I needed to pray about my decision. At that point, I knew I didn't need to pray about it anymore. I knew that was my answer. I told him I thought he was right, and he said, "I KNOW I'M RIGHT!" Typical... Hahahah. I really love my brother.
These are the only 2 times I can remember God speaking to me this way, so I feel like these are both major decisions. I know the decision to be with Randy is definitely the most important decision of my life, so I'm excited to see what will happen because of the decision not to take 27 hours in the spring of 2013. If nothing else, it might mean that I won't die. Seeing how I can't drive anymore, maybe the Lord was mentally preparing me for what was to come (this decision happened the Friday before I got my driving taken away on Wednesday). God works in mysterious ways, so I won't even pretend to imagine that I can guess what He has planned. I only know that He has only spoken like this to me twice...and I find that pretty cool...
I'll be looking out for when He does it again! I hope He does!!!
Soooo, moral of the story: I have come to my senses and I am only taking 12 hours next semester with 1 (maybe 2) mini terms...so it might be 15-18 hours. We shall see!
Sometimes the Lord speaks in ways you may not understand or recognize, but that doesn't mean He isn't speaking. Please don't get discouraged. I know that may be difficult. I struggle with it ALL the time!
God is SO good! ALL the time!
Thanks for reading!
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