Check The Attitude, Please!

The last 2 days my mind has been blown away by how God can use the words of others to speak such solid truth that will smack you right in the face. I'm positive it happens more than what I've experienced in the last 2 days, but this case has been particularly overwhelming!

First off, let me say that I am FINALLY addressing my life-long issue of terrible sleep habits. I've always said, "I'm just naturally a night owl"...and I am, but that doesn't mean I have to stay up until 4am every night and wake up at 11am feeling just as miserable as when I went to bed. I know, I shouldn't be complaining about waking up at 11am, but it is NOT all it's cracked up to be. Especially when the bedtime that proceeds it is 4am...or later.
Lately my excuse for not sleeping has been severe nightmares. A legitimate reason, sure, but still an excuse. Recently I have had an issue with having 4-5 nightmares a night, every one more intense than the last, and I wake up exhausted and terrified. I have hated sleeping in the past few months, and I find myself doing everything I can to avoid going to bed. It has been horrible for my mind, body, and marriage...the not sleeping as well as the nightmares. Not that our marriage has been in shambles or anything, but sleeping in the same bed is just as important as other marriage bed activities. It has taken a year and a half to figure it out, but I'm figuring it out. I suppose I'm learning earlier than some, though, so that's some consolation. To top that off, I have been moody, cranky, and just unhappy in general. Not exactly the most fun person to live with...

This past Thursday or so I realized, this is not quality sleep. I had been told the statistics and the studies on sleep and blahblahblah before, but until I realized I had a problem, none of it mattered. On top of being a self-proclaimed night owl, I have always been that person that never really needed much sleep, and weird hours of sleep never bothered me. In fact, I'm still convinced that's why I have never had jet lag. I didn't have any jet lag going to or from Europe. I didn't have any jet lag when I went to Korea, but I had 3-4 hours of it when I came home. Considering most people have jet lag for days when they come home from Asia (or most countries overseas), I counted myself lucky. I was proud of my crazy sleep habits. My lack of a "sleep schedule" amused me. I guess I always thought I was above the rule.
Nope, wrong-o.

So I decided to commit to change. Change??? Who, me? Yep.
I have been going to bed between 10-11 (the slight flexibility helps me) and waking up at 7...something I have always hated. My mom jokes that I have loved to sleep in until noon from birth, since I was born around 12:30 in the afternoon.

Yesterday, I got up at 7 and felt amazing until about 10:15am, when I felt like I had been run over by a truck. All I wanted to do was take a nap, but I tried my hardest and kept my eyes open! Then it hit me...
I never get jet lag because I'm basically always jet lagged! My time tables are always off! I used to think that my body didn't get jet lag because it didn't know what time was what anyway, but now I realize it never got jet lag because that's how I live!

Yesterday, I still had nightmares. In fact, I had one of the worst ones I have ever had, but I tried my best to not let it get me down. Last night, I actually had an interesting dream that didn't really turn nightmare-ish until a few minutes before I woke up, but even then it wasn't very scary. I think nightmares might just be in my genes, though. I know my grandmother has always had frequent nightmares since before I can remember, and my mom has nightmares sometimes, too. Maybe it's just the ladies in our family line? Who knows. Last night was one of the first peaceful nights of sleep I have gotten in a very long time, though.

Getting back to the point: today I woke up ON MY OWN at 6:30 with no alarm. Bam.
Part of it was due to an obnoxiously loud bird outside, but I'm still counting it as a win!
I even woke up before Randy! That has happened maybe once before in our marriage.
I feel great :) I'm excited to begin the day!

Waking up early has also given me an opportunity to have a scheduled time for quiet time. To my shame, I have never been good at keeping a daily quiet time because I had a habit of waking up exactly as early as I needed to get ready to leave. So I had to try and fit it in just whenever. Not that that is wrong...if it works for you, great! For me, not so much. More often than not I would skip it, forget about it, or simply run out of hours in the day, but change is happening.

I decided to begin by reading my devotional, then I read a few verses in the Bible pointed out by my devotional, then I decided to read a book/Bible study I have been meaning to do for 5+ years. It's called Having A Mary Heart In A Martha World by Joanna Weaver. Women, if you haven't read this, DO IT. She breaks each chapter into a daily read, and it is SO. GOOD. The Lord has spoken so much truth into my heart through her words in the past 2 days, I just can't help but share!
I would try to explain the point of the book, but I don't think I would do it justice. Here is what the back of the book says:

"The life of a woman today isn't really all that different from that of Mary and Martha in the New Testament. Like Mary, you long to sit at the Lord's feet...but the daily demands of a busy world just won't leave you alone. Like Martha, you love Jesus and really want to serve him...yet you struggle with weariness, resentment, and feelings of inadequacy.
Then comes Jesus, into the midst of your busy life, to extend the same invitation he issued long ago to the two sisters from Bethany. Tenderly, he invites you to choose "the better part" - a joyful life of intimacy with him that flows naturally into loving service.
With her fresh approach to the familiar Bible story, Joanna Weaver shows how all of us - Marys and Marthas alike - can draw closer to our Lord: deepening our devotion, strengthening our service, and doing both with less stress and greater joy"

I find myself constantly saying, "THAT IS SO ME!" with every story she tells. It's incredible how relatable she is. One thing I really love is that she connects the story with daily life, and gives examples from HER daily life. She doesn't preach, but instead explains how she is guilty of the same thing she is discussing, and how the Lord has used her struggles to teach and mold her. I have really enjoyed reading it.

One thing that hit me in the face today was where she told a story of discouragement. She explains how she went to visit her mom, who was having health problems and was battling depression - an issue by itself enough to bring someone down. Then, she had a window in her van that refused to go up after it had been rolled down for a moment. Unfortunately, she lived in Montana, and had a 150 mile trip home in a snow storm that had just started...at night...and her heater was broken. She tells how she would pray and pray, then muster enough faith to try the button to roll the window up again with no results. Again, she begged the Lord to fix it, convinced He was no longer listening to her prayers. Finally, she gives up, pulls over and proclaims that if He won't fix her situation, she'll do it herself! With a final "humph", she pulls an old, thin comforter from her things, wraps it around her body, and continues the drive - angry at God. She then tells how her anger disappeared as she realized that she was getting closer to home, and she wasn't cold at all, but in fact very warm...strangely so.
The Lord had helped her, just not how she wanted or expected.

Tears filled my eyes as I read this because I realized how often I am guilty of the same anger, and how just as often He comes to my rescue in the most random, unexpected, but wonderful ways.

Oh, how He loves us.

Any great books, devotions, or Bible studies you would recommend? I'd love to hear them!